Jim Clarkson

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Jim Clarkson

TOUGH

Before  I was diagnosed with depression I assumed and was told I was angry. I knew I was unhappy and had been for a very long time, I felt I never really knew what true happiness was. I thought people and stuff would help me find it, I thought maybe I just wasn’t wired to be happy and tried to live with it. It got to a point where I knew I had to do something but I didn’t know how. The first person who I reached out to was Jim Clarkson, we hadn’t been friends that long but no-one had made me feel like I could trust them like Jim. I had never wanted to talk to anyone and had never considered professional help, but Jim pointed me in the right direction, I felt safe talking to him. I think we’ve been friends for four or five years now, he was and still is one of the few who checks in and asks if I’m OK, and then stresses “No are you really OK?”. Though at the time Jim was going through a horrific life changing event he still took the time to check in, I found it hard to understand how someone going through what he was was still able to find the time to care about me.

I’m not sure where I’d be without friends like Jim. The importance of friends and people checking in has made life easier, if there’s one piece of advice I can give it is talk, talking saves lives.

JIM CLARKSON.

I’ve known Nick for a while, we rode bikes together at various points, and he’s the sort of guy who unexpectedly offers to drive you to North Wales whilst you guide a group of mountain bikers round the hills, and he acts as support vehicle and an extra pair of hands to entertain the riders whilst I cooked or prepped for the next day.

He’s a quiet, some might say insular, or reflective sort. He’d say something else, he’d say something rude about himself. So would I at times, because we can say that about each other.

One day, I can’t even recall exactly when, Nick got in touch. We chatted often, bike and life stuff. There was a notable cheese and port evening, more port than cheese. He needed to talk, about some big stuff, some stuff that at first seemed tough, that he felt embarrassed about, as if there was something wrong with him, as if he wasn’t ‘right’.

Nick. There is nothing wrong with you. You are a brave and resourceful man, who has taken that thing that is labelled ‘depression’ and made it a force to push you forward. To achieve great and respectable things. Without it, you wouldn’t be you. I believe you are making peace with it, and also learning how to roll with the peaks and troughs that life drops on you.

When Nick told me he’d tried to commit suicide a couple of times, I tried my best not to react too much to it, in so much as additional drama and emotional reactions didn’t improve anything in this instance. I’m told I’m not like that anyway. I respect the choice, even if I don’t agree with it, and more I respect the bravery it takes to talk about the very fact of actually trying to kill yourself.

I have some experience with death and loss. I managed to get through the single most challenging, heart breaking, complex and punishing year of my life by knowing that even if I never reached out, there was still support there. Knowing that I had people behind me, made it possible to cope. Without that, I’m not sure how my situation would have played out. 

The simple truth of life is that being there for people, and being able to reach out or even asking someone if they are ok, or better still, just saying you are there, and being proactive by checking in on that mate who seems quiet, or the sometimes the mate who is louder than usual, or seems ‘different’.  We need to ask the hard questions, sometimes we need to push a little and expect the anger and upset back, because beyond that, there is hurt and then there is peace and acceptance.

What Nick is doing, by talking about it all, raising awareness, being open and honest about it all, is taking it all the shadows, and breaking the lock, it’s making it easier, simpler and it helps us all find better ways to talk.

For more information on helping and checking in visit MOVEMBER

Words courtesy of Jim Clarkson and images kindly supplied by Peter Clarkson.