on the horizon

Jim Clarkson - On the horizon

These are thoughts I've collected over the last 4 years, in this time I discovered darkness and fear deeper than I ever believed. I also found a resilience beyond what I ever imagined I had.

I've collected fragments of thoughts over this time, and pieced them into paragraphs - they are queries into the things that drive us to not wanting to be alive. They are flowing, accepting, challenging and I hope affirming.

The absence of light doesn't deny its existence.

Thoughts form words, they are radar echos pinging out the darkness. They flash up the enemy and danger with inquisitive and determined focus.

A second of focus and intent is still progress.

Pulling yourself from bed for any one reason is enough.

Sometimes you need to sit in the shit and wallow, to put roots out and to wait for the spring, for the light to return.

If I don't say how it is for me, if I don't share the details and the darkness, then no one knows, and it means that no one will relate to it or think ‘heck, that's me’ and start on that path to owning, confronting and accepting the cold, hard, crushing monster.

Meditate. Sit quietly and find the steady crushing force and prod it, push it, know it, accept it and let it go. Or don't, find a professional and talk to them, either is valid.

Know your enemy and energy. What drives you down, and what lifts you up. Know them, look for them, welcome them in or show them the door.

My load is no heavier or lighter than any others, each of us carry the problems we build. We can discover how we put them down, some methods will be destructive, some will be a temporary path, and ultimately lead to a better life.

Be vigilant, be playful. Don't accept any advice point blank. Question. Take what you need. You are the pilot. Aim for the horizon.

Ask for help. Ask people if they need help. Ask how to help. Tell people how you need or want help.

Own your fucking mistakes.

Share your view and emotions, how ever raw, or uncomfortable- someone will surprise you and be on a path that reflects yours.

You only quit when you say. No one else. It's your choice. There will always be something better coming, even if it feels harder or worse.

The things you consume, whether it's visually, orally or audibly all influence and make and inform your thinking. Filter it, some of it is ok, some of it is poison and some is pure tonic. Discerning them is the ongoing balancing trick.

Jim Clarkson

Images courtesy of James Vincent