mind fart

Catchy title eh?

I’m not sure where to start with this or why I’m writing it, but I find these “mind farts” sometimes help me find some answers. I guess that’s one of the reasons this website started.

I’m sure I’m not alone in this but coming out of lockdown is proving more challenging the entering it. It could be the weather, it could be the new job and my inability to take my foot off the gas, but at the moment I’ve fallen out of love with cycling and I’m struggling to go out and see people. I’m anxious about riding with others, I’ve isolated myself so much that I feel forgotten about and people only check in when I post stuff like this. The way I use my social media and with the launch of the film, there’s a lot of virtual high fives and “go Nick”, loads of people saying what I’m doing is amazing but I genuinely can’t remember the last time someone said lets go for a ride, coffee beer or an are you ok?

It’s weird to be recognised when I’m lapping Regents Park, lots of people wave and shout hi but they’re just fleeting moments. Often people I’m with ask if there’s anyone I don’t know but a wave of acknowledgment isn’t a sign of popularity and likes on my post don’t relate to being actually being liked. I’m not sure I have any genuine friendships anymore, coming out of lockdown I seem to have more to figure out then when I entered it.

This isn’t a cry for help, I’m just trying to figure shit out. Life is genuinely pretty good at the moment, I’m enjoying my job and thankful for all the opportunities that are coming my way. I have an amazing supportive partner and family and I know I can talk to them when I need them, I also know I’m guilty of cutting people off, mainly when I feel they’re not listening to me or able to help. I’ve done it to protect myself so you could say that this is of my own doing.

There was a statistic I heard last week that 1 in 3 men have ended friendships and cut people off during lockdown, obviously I’m not alone and I doubt this is just a man thing but it’s lead to me feeling a bit lost and apathetic towards a lot things in my life.

Anyway I’m sure once the weather turns and fingers crossed I can book a trip somewhere I’ll forget all this and start riding again but for now, Mleh.

If you’ve somehow got here and missed the film you can find it HERE