Caspar

Progress is a slow process

A year ago my life was at an impasse. I needed to decide between altering the way I had lived my life thus far or to give up and end my life.

Honestly, I was at such a low place that the idea of taking my own life seemed like the most appealing decision to make. However, I knew that doing so would make the lives of my family immensely hard. So how could I take such a decision knowing how it would affect my family.

Therefore, I made the hardest possible decision of staying alive, and altering the way I had previously lived my life.

I began by taking control of a part of my life that had been out of control for the majority of my life, my eating disorder. At that point I already had ‘improved’, but I still, secretly, suffered from bulimia. I knew that this was the moment where I had to start. Start by stopping vomiting and teaching myself to have a more healthy relationship with food, and hereby accepting that I would gain weight.

Today, exactly a year later, I have now ‘only’ vomited five to teen times instead of more than 500 times. Something I’m extremely proud of, even though it isn’t something I talk about or celebrate. Though I actually think I should!!!

So why did I succeed this time?

I also made the decision to take my time searching and thinking about my ‘purpose’ in life. 

What do I want to do for a living, what am I good at and what makes me happy? Hard, but extremely important questions, since I needed to separate what I want and what I think people want of me.

Now, a year later, my life seem perfect, which it almost also is. 

I am now pursuing my own dreams instead of doing what (I think) society expects of me. I am more confident, more relaxed and also more content (maybe even happy).

After almost a year of soul-searching and hard mental work I now work as a SoMe Manager for Rebel Cycling, part time Visual Merchandiser and gearpusher at Rapha Copenhagen, mental health ambassador for ASCND and have my own business as a freelance cycling content creator. 

Jobs I completely love and in no way consider as jobs - more a payed hobby.

I would never have been where I am right now if I had not taken my time soul-searching while taking my time to work on my mental health and ME.

Take your time, listen to yourself and do what feels good for YOU.